Use Somebody
by MichelleHuxtable
Do you know what this can do for your book?!
What’s the difference between using someone for their skill, ability, or connection and using them. The latter has a more negative connotation, right? I’ll set up a situation for you. Turns out your mom knows Oprah and Barack Obama. She’s been keeping this secret for some really legitimate reason. Get past it. So she knows them. You’re a politician by the way. You have a dream of one day being President.
Are you going to ask to meet Oprah and Obama just because you want to enjoy their conversation? No. You’re going to try to get in good because you recognize their power and influence. Is that grimey? I don’t think it is. It’s using your position to your fullest advantage quite frankly. Most people tend to agree with me in that situation but once you bring it back to a level of everyday people, we get some disparity in agreement.
So let’s say your friend Joe knows Mark. Mark’s a major designer and has ten million average daily visitors to his site and 20,000 twitter followers. If you purposefully hit up Mark like “Hey man! How’s it going?” But your motive is so that you can get a shout out or some advice on designing is that messed up? Is it trifling for having an ulterior motive?
I thought of this when I was talking to my friend the other day. He’s a music guy and people know that. So some people approached him on the street asking for a hand out basically and he was mad that they did that. He wasn’t operating in a musical capacity he was just out enjoying life so I can understand his disappointment. However. If you have an obvious gift or connect, shouldn’t you expect people to hit you up for that?
If Obama met a politician I don’t think he would think to himself, “This young man is just interested in me for my personality.” Nah. He knows that maybe just maybe he wants a political angle. It’s not paranoid to think that, it’s just honest. So since you should be aware of that, is it wrong for that person to approach you for that?
Let’s be honest. People want to roll with people who are doing something in life. I know someone who used to say “If you hang with people who have nothing to lose they’ll cause you to lose everything.” I agree with that. I like the fact that the people I roll with are all going to do something in life. We’re not all going to be famous. But I know we’re all going to impact the world in some way and that’s dope.
So is it wrong to want to surround yourself with people who are doing big things? Like to see someone like the fictitious Mark mentioned above and want him in your crew? There have been times when I’ve seen someone I admired and thought they’d be good to have around. And later on we happened to run into each other at one point or another and just click. So. At what point are you using somebody versus admiring what they do and wanting them around (and still end up being able to use them)? Is there a difference?
Comments
I think it’s using when you really have no connection to the person you’re asking a favor from. You haven’t talked to me in years and now you want to act like old friends. If you’re the person making moves you should expect it.
I think that most successful folk surround themselves with other successful folk. Their is a mutual use they we all have for each other. Now, if I have something you want/need I would not look at it as usage if there is some mutual exchange. It could be friendship, connections, etc… but if you bring to the table and expect a free gift then that can be seen as using someone.
For example, with your music friend. If a person wants to “get on” and approaches him empty handed then he has a right to feel that way. Now if an aspiring artist says “Hey I know who you are and I’m trying to get on. Is there anything I can do to help you in exchange for helping me” Then that’s respectable.
Well put. That last sentence especially. Basically you’re saying as long as you’re upfront about your motives then it’s alright.
I believe there is a difference. Using somebody as a connect (or networking) is okay when you’re reciprocating and bringing something to the table. You’re trying to uplift each other’s situations.
Then, there are the people who take advantage of knowing someone in a notable position and begin to feel entitled. It’s like the alumni network at a university. It’s there to help…but if you aren’t approaching those alums from the right angle, you’re going to end up looking like a recent graduate, disrespectfully, asking to get put on.
I have met a few successful people in my field who have taught me things they wished they had known at my age, shown the ropes, or even introduced me to other people they look up to or think will help me out down the line if needed. I don’t call it ‘using people’….it’s a modern form of networking when it comes to career paths and your passion. Thankfully, I have met people who like to extend a helping hand and they get excited to have a little grasshopper to share their knowledge with. The like to pay their blessing forward
When I first read the beginning of this post, I was thinking ‘using’ as far as a relationship or dating. Those are people who just leech and could care less about the person whose energy they are stealing away. They are often greedy with selfish ambitions. That can happen while networking too but I haven’t seen it too much….thankfully! Good post on the contrast b/t the two.
Ah good call bringing up alumni networks. You definitely have to approach in the right way!
Yes networking can be a true blessing but we just can’t abuse it. It’s good that you’ve met people who have graciously shown you the ropes. It’s hard to find those people. It’s nice to be one of those people who can lend a helping hand, huh?
I’m about to use someone in the upcoming weeks…i need a job out here in these streets..haha…Nah but good post…I get used, in the right way, every day when people ask me to put stuff on my blog..I’m more about calling the act of using as calling my connect…
“First off let me thank my connect”